Sex Gender Sexuality - Mann Mela - Museum of Mental Health Stories

Sex, gender, sexuality and mental health

We know that biological sex (being born male or female), gender (whether you feel like a man, woman or somewhere on a spectrum between or outside the two), and sexuality (who you are attracted to physically and romantically) impact the way we think and feel about ourselves, and the way we are treated by others.

Let us look at a few examples of how our relationship with
our sex, gender or sexuality impacts our mental health.

Seema is a young unmarried woman with a child. While her family is supportive of her personal choice to be an unmarried mother, she faces stigmatization from her neighbours and housing association members. These experiences have impacted Seema’s confidence and she feels very scared when leaving the house, expecting to face insults or abuse, and has started avoiding going out. She finds comfort and strength in spending time with her daughter and family and knowing that she is a good mother.

Meghna just started college and came out to her parents as queer. Her parents were very upset and told her not to tell anyone. They are searching for a husband who will “fix her”. Meghna has a girlfriend who she sees in secret, but worries they have no future as her girlfriend refuses to acknowledge the relationship in public. As the pressure to marry intensifies Meghna has felt increasingly trapped and depressed. After experiencing thoughts of suicide she sought help from a counsellor at college who is supporting her.

Ravi is a young man with a successful new start-up. His family depends on him financially and are very proud of what he has achieved. Recently, however, Ravi has started to be troubled by nightmares from his childhood when he was sexually abused by a teacher. He feels irritable and edge throughout the day which has started to affect his productivity at work. He worries that if he were to let anyone know why he is struggling, they would think he was weak and lose respect for him as a man. Ravi joined an anonymous online support group for survivors of abuse and has started to learn some tips from others on how to cope.

Asha is a trans-woman in her mid-twenties. She works in the music industry as an agent. She knows that whenever she meets a new client in person they will be surprised that her appearance is not what they expected. This used to bother her a lot and she would re-play in her mind the way people looked at her or any comments they would make. But the company she works at has a very strong anti-discrimination policy, and with the support of her colleagues she no longer feels upset and worried about meeting new people - if they don’t like her or are rude, that’s on them.

Asif has just left school where he was bullied relentlessly for being feminine and accused of being gay. At home his mother would criticise him and his father would beat him to ‘make a man out of him’. Asif feels confused about his sexuality and his gender. He thinks he might be attracted to both boys and girls and he feels uncomfortable with his body. He feels there must be something wrong with him and after researching online thinks he might have what is called, “gender dysphoria”. He found reading more about it helped him feel less alone, but he still feels unsure what it means for him.

If you are experiencing difficulties with your mental health that are related to your sex, gender or sexuality, there are a few things that can help:

Self-compassion and acceptance

Facing criticism or discrimination from others make us feel beaten down and not good enough. To support ourselves against this kind of pressure, we need to develop self-compassion and acceptance. This enables us to feel more secure, reassured that we are fine just as we are, and know that we deserve to be treated with respect. By making this a part of how we think, we can support ourselves whenever we need it. It helps to try to imagine what this compassionate part would look like. It could be someone you know, a famous person, an animal, or even something you completely invent. Think of how they would accept you just as you are, and what they would say to you to encourage you. The more you think of them and their words, the stronger this part of you will be.

Look after yourself

Look after your physical health: Try to be more active (eg., exercise can help to lift your mood), get good sleep, eat well, and avoid alcohol and drugs.

Do things that are important to you: Plan daily activities that are meaningful to you: these could be things you need to do, things that give you a sense of connection with other people or things that give you pleasure.

Practice relaxation: Taking some time out each day to relax by practicing deep breathing, doing some simple stretches, listening to music, or following a relaxation exercise or guided meditation online.

Get professional support

Reading about or speaking to other people who have gone through similar struggles can help us feel less alone and even help to understand our own experiences better. Have a look at our stories {link to Mann mela stories or at ItsOkToTalk.in {link} to find other young people talking about a range of issues to do with sex, gender, sexuality and mental health. You can also find support groups, organisations and mental health services across India that are specific to women or LGBTQ+ individuals. Some service options are listed below and you can also try searching online for ‘LGBTQ+ friendly mental health services’ in your area. Remember it is up to you if you agree with any mental health professional’s recommendations for treatment or not.

LGBTQ+ services

Ya’all helpline: Peer support for LGBTQ+ individuals in Manipur +91 6009032883

Nazariya QFRG: Peer counselling for LGBTQ+ individuals +91 9818151707 (Monday-Friday 10 am-6PM)

Orinam: support and resources for LGBT people and their families http://orinam.net/

Sappho for Equality: safe space, peer counsellng, crisis intervention, and resource centre for lesbians, bisexual women and F to M transpersons in Eastern India +91 98315 18320 (open every day from 10 am to 9 pm for anyone india).

Women’s services

Counselling support for Survivors of Domestic/Sexual Violence:

Swayam: +91 98307 72814 Monday - Friday, 10 am -2 pm. Counsellors fluent in English, Hindi & Bengali.

Helplines for women facing domestic/sexual violence

Swayam (Kolkata): 9830079448, 98302 04393, 98302 04322, 98307 37030, 98307 47030, Monday to Friday, 10 am - 6 pm daily.

Shakti Shalini (Delhi): 011 24373737 Monday-Friday 3PM to 5PM

Sneha (Mumbai): 022 24100511

Sakhi (Bhopal): 8989585097

Gramin Mahila Kendras by North East network: 9365648832